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| "It's good to let off steam instead of blowing my top"
A bit of a frustrating day yesterday, where at work, I was left 'holding the ball' for a patient and had to spend 3 hours not doing medicine (and missing an important meeting) but calling around and arranging for follow-up and a possible admission to hospital for a patient. I realized that I was frustrated inside - some of my feelings were partially justified - some were not justified at all (but understandable). By this, I mean that, for example, one of my colleagues saw the patient the day before and was there in clinic. I was thinking that out of courtesy, she should have seen this patient, since she already knew her...
So I was feeling frustrated at her. But when I thought about it, I really didn't have any justification for my frustration! She wasn't scheduled to be seeing patients in the clinic so it would only be a courtesy to see the patient herself, not an obligation. As well, as it turned out, the patient had so many issues, it wouldn't have mattered if there was a familiar person.
I realized another source of frustration iwas the fact that I wasn't sure the best thing to do for the patient mixed in with the fact that the treatment plans were all out of my control (i.e. getting anaesthesia support, etc...). The treatment plan was complex because many of the issues were social issues, behavioral issues and psychiatric issues, mixed in with the medical issues.
In the end, there was a satisfactory ending, but this experience did hold a mirror up to my character and showed me that there are still areas to work on my character and patience!
What was nice, was the ability to call Gina on the phone and to vent to her (in the midst of a busy work day for her too!). And she even came over to help me walk and talk it off :) I think normally, I'd be prone to just let things seeth inside. But letting it all out (although initially harder to synthesize my thoughts/feelings into words) did help to sift through the right and wrong thoughts (like blaming my colleague) and be able to reflect and seek the good in the situation (like how God is testing me :) ...)
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| "In the world God made, if a creature worships anything other than the Creator God, then ultimately he loses the very thing he idolizes and worships"
~Douglas Wilson
Similar to the passage 'those who lose their lives will find it and those who seek to find it will lose it. If we place, say, a significant other before God, we will lose her (him). Those who glorify God will obey Him in their self-sacrificial love for their partners...
It's kinda like something that C. S. Lewis quoted .... "When love becomes a god, it becomes a demon". There is a rightful position for love to take and when it is in that place, it blossoms. But when love assumes the position (or is given the position) of the 'highest thing', then it becomes a demon...
What a delightful mystery (.. and so counter culture .. in a society that worships 'love', amongst other things). ...That by loving God and placing Him first in all things (including relationships), the relationship grows even more in love and affection :)
And what a difference when the greatest desire of a lover is not the happiness of the object of his affection, but for the glory of God.
But it's all nice and good to lay down the principles. How about the practice?
I think it can be upheld with some basic pillars of thought...
1) The person you are dating is someone else's spouse. Gina is someone's future wife ... I hope it's mine, but it may not be... So I should weigh my actions carefully (... including emotional bonds! ... a good test is to ask "What would I want someone else to be doing if they were dating my future wife? ...)
2) Remember that God's glory comes first... i.e. no other idols - especially not the other person
3) Remembering that it'll take time for the 'glaze' to fade. People naturally show their best sides. And even when they show the hidden sides, I may be 'blind' to them because I may only see the things I want to see. Give it time... What better than to know the other person fully and to be fully known ... and then to enter into a deeper commitment - with your eyes fully open? I figure it'll take.... hmm... about 2-3 months for the 'rose-coloured glasses' to fade...
4) Like with all gifts from God, it's good to keep my fingers open and unclenched (.., and sometimes the only way to know how tightly I'm holding on to something is for God to threaten to take it away... then it boils down to pillar #2 ... who is my (G)/god and what is my idol?)
Hmmmm.... | | |
| So I'm no longer single.
Discuss.
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| "Bells and Whistles" ... aka long-winded ramblings (not the first time and certainly not the last!)
I realize that people carry decorations - kinda like bells and whistles. These decorations are flashy on the surface and call attention, but really give no indication to what is underneath.
I wondered about my own bells and whistles...
So now, I will try and analyze myself from an 'outside' perspective (... but if I sound egocentric, please believe me when I say that I am trying to be objective...).
Some bells and whistles that I have are:
Being in medicine (although it really isn't that special .... but people who are not in the field seem to think so .... especially asians!), playing piano (here, it's the opposite: special for a non-asian, not for an asian ... since every asian grows up with piano lessons), playing guitar, being able to have a rhythm and dance (...social dance, I mean, not the self-depreciating embarassing dancing I do at weddings ... b'cuz that's not really a bell or a whistle :) ...), my sense of humour (...again, it's debatable whether this is an appealing thing...), playing hockey, etc...
These are just MY bells and whistles (B&W).... but every one has their own particular bells and whistles.
*** Just a point or two: These B&Ws are not bad things... in fact, I think some of these are what Jesus calls the 'talents' that God has given us to invest for Him. To whom much has been given, much will be demanded of.
*** Another point too: It's tempting to show off our B&Ws but that would just bring glory to ourselves and not to God. I think with some of my obvious B&Ws, I try hard to not flash them out (like playing piano - so it was so nice to be asked to play for service here in Toronto instead of asking them to play... because I would be questioning myself to see if I was doing it for the wrong reasons...)
In any case, when people who don't know each other meet, this is what people see first - their B&Ws. (oh...I forgot to mention looks as a B&Ws ... I forgot about that because that's not one of MY B&Ws!! but it is a very important B&W ... especially for guys...).
But where it gets interesting is that when people meet each other, we always show our best side.
I think in everyday life, it's easy to bump into people and think 'Hmmm, this person is interesting' or 'That person is interesting'. But it's tempting to go further and think "I wonder (since I'm getting older), whether or not this is THE person for me'".. and in a sense, to let the feelings take over.
But it's a good reminder that God's guidance is the most important thing.... by this, I mean - to believe that God has already chosen the right person for me and that there is no need to constantly worry about these things (...recall 'your heavenly Father knows (the things you need) .. but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and ALL these things will be given to you as well').
This will make it easier to focus on God and not on finding a mate.... and it will probably help in changing the focus from FINDING the "perfect" person to BECOMING the a person that my mate would want to have by her side. (I can't claim credit for this and the following thoughts ... this is what a friend shared with me recently...)
In the end, feelings can be tricky because emotions can deceive, and that's certainly true when I make decisions based on what I feel instead of what God says.
When it comes to thinking about relationships, it's obviously harder to detach ourselves from our feelings, but the same logic applies here. Despite our natural tendencies to act based on feelings, we should live a life "worthy of the calling" even in this area of our lives.
So back to the B&Ws.... realizing this aspect of human relationships helps in understanding that feelings are important, but can be influenced by things like B&Ws and if feelings take precedence over God's guidance, they can be misleading.
In the area of attraction to others, be patient - it may be just be attraction to the other person's B&Ws and the important things (ie their faith, their walk with God, how they treat others, how they treat others when they are mad, etc...) will not come out immediately.
Also, the flip side is true ... IF someone is attracted to ME, it's quite flattering... but before believing all the good stuff about myself, I gotta ask myself, do they REALLY know me, or just my flashy B&Ws.
So the end of the matter is this.... Fear God and keep His commandments (borrowed from a page out of Solomon's book)... plus ... Trust God in the matters out of my control and pursue the things in my control - like hungering and thirsting for righteousness and seeking God.
...and use the Bells and Whistles to make music for the Lord :) (Figuratively and literally!) | | |
| "Personal Mirror"
So something funny happened yesterday. I was at a different hospital and we had to take a shuttle there. The driver gave us a hard time because we needed a special pass but eventually he let us on. So when we got there, after my session, I went to the dermatology secretary who filled out a form and we took it to security to get a pass. But security asked us to go to a different place to get approval first. So I told her that we were sent by the secretary and had our papers. And that she could just cal the secretary to confirm.
Apparantly, I was very 'direct' and sounded rude - because the other 2 fellows with me started making fun of me (in a funny way) and started imitating me...
But it was sobering and I felt bad because I didn't realize how rude I sounded. (I went back and was nice to the lady the second time)
I did appreciate their feedback, though, because I realize that we have physical mirrors to show us when our hair is messy or when there is food on my face. But it's difficult to find personality mirrors ... unless you have friends who are willing to tell you when you act inappropriately! | | |
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